Y’all, today is my BIRTHDAY. I’m turning 39. Not an age for the faint of heart, I’ve been told. The last of my third decade, this is the year many people dread, treating it like a death sentence or a giant last hurrah. Culture today treats getting older like a slow death march that we can’t avoid but aren’t too happy about. But I really don’t see it like that. To me, being young is the hard part. Sure, your body works maybe a little bit better and your years of looking your best are arguably slipping away with each passing minute, but at least when you age, you mature. At least when you get older, you (hopefully) get your act together and begin to inhabit the wisdom that only comes from the bumps and bruises of youth. At least when you get older, you (once again, hopefully) learn that the world is about so much more than just YOU and finally throw yourself ALL IN to the notion that your legacy is not what you did, not what you earned, but the love that you gave. This, my friends, this is 39.
39 is sometimes waking up with the mild yet very distinct hint of a hangover, despite not having a drop to drink the previous evening. 
39 is finally being comfortable in my own skin. Yes, my actual skin. It means a lot less acne but maybe just a few more wrinkles. But it also means being realistic enough to have a strategic battle plan for both.
39 is finally knowing how to open up to love. It’s knowing that being vulnerable is the only way to be intimate, even if that means learning that you have to change and grow. It means looking at the man I married with awe, loving him more today than I did 11 years ago when we said I DO.
39 is being humble and broken enough to admit when I’m wrong and knowing when to ask for forgiveness. Realizing that saying I’m sorry is giving myself the gift of freedom. But it’s also being confident enough to stand up for whats right and fair and true, regardless of who I am facing.
39 is opening my mouth and hearing my mother come tumbling out and then looking in the mirror to see my father staring back at me. And being proud of both.
39 is having scars, both big and little. But it’s letting those scars see the light of day. Wearing them proudly. Because without them I wouldn’t be who I am. It’s those scars and the brokenness that came with them that brought me to the place of grace that I strive to walk in today.
39 is knowing what I’m good at (cooking), what I’m bad at (confrontation) and what I’m terrible at (dancing). And living accordingly.
39 is forgetting sometimes that I’m not a super cool 18 year old anymore. And also that I can’t rap. Like, at all.
39 is having lived enough to have some crazy, funny, wild stories to tell, but being content now to let my “crazy” be a glass of wine, a good book and a date with my husband and the couch.
39 is not being able to name one single “star” from “Dancing with the Stars” but knowing almost all of the lines from “Sixteen Candles” by heart.
39 is always being just a tiny bit exhausted.
39 is having enough confidence to share these pictures with the world: 
39 is listening to Dave Matthews Band in the car and laughing at the eye rolls and sighs coming from the backseat.
39 is knowing that a $4 jar or Ponds does the same thing as a $200 jar of La Mer. And that Vaseline is the best eye cream on earth. But also believing that when it comes to your hair, you get what you pay for.
39 is knowing all of the lyrics to “Ice, Ice Baby.”
39 is staring at my kids with so much wonder and so much love that my heart wants to burst out of my chest in one minute. And wanting to hide in the closet eating candy bars to get away from them in the next.
39 is thinking that the 90s were a decade ago.
39 is knowing that there isn’t much that a good meal, good laughter, and good friends can’t make better, even if just for a few minutes.
39 is knowing that one glass of wine is good, two is great, but three is a disaster.
39 is being bold enough to wear red lips and sweat pants and feel beautiful in either. Because 39 means knowing that beautiful is what we are when we know love and grace and mercy. Real beauty is the opposite of what the world tells us. Real beauty is humble and kind. Real beauty is the grace of God changing our hearts and minds and that, my friends, shows from the inside out.
39 is learning to laugh at yourself and not take life so seriously. It’s knowing that you always say yes to a water balloon battle, a nerf war or a sticky string fight.
39 is knowing that I’m not what I once was, but also knowing that I’m closer to becoming what I was always meant to be.
39 is believing that the best is yet to come. That life is meant to be lived in love and grace and light. It is knowing that there is so much more out there than just my little circle and that I am being called to do more, be more and spread more love than I ever imagined possible. 39 is believing with my whole heart that Jesus died for my sins and that there is nothing on earth I can do to earn or lose His love. And 39 means spending every minute and second of my remaining days telling people about that love, without shame or fear. Because that, my friends, is what I want for my next 39 years.
Welcome to BurntToast! My name is Meaghan, and this is my safe space, a place where we can share stories, share recipes and share life. It’s my dream that you can come here, kick your shoes off and pour yourself a glass of wine while you read, laugh, and maybe even hop into the kitchen. This is my heart, for all of you to see. And ALL are welcome here.
I love this! I am 32, and this is so relateable. I hope you have a great Birthday!
I absolutely loved this post. Happy Birthday!
Hi Meaghan. I am a former classmate and neighborhood kid who grew up near your mom and went to grade school all the way through HS . FB reconnected us and she connected me to you with posting your blog. I have thoroughly enjoyed them and some of the recipes. You are such a talented lady and your mom and dad are so proud and rightfully so. I wanted to let you know that I still can’t hit the print button to print out the recipes. I should say I can hit the button but nothing works. Also, I signed up to get notification of your blog but have never received anything so wanted to tell you I signed up again tonight. I don’t want to receive two notifications if possible so that is why also I am alerting you. Anyway, keep up the good work. You emit so much positive thoughts and energy. I hope now I will get the email alerts.
Hi Carrie! My mom has told me about you! Thanks for reading my blog. It makes me happy that it is touching your heart! I’m not sure what is happening with the printing. I’ve been able to print quite a few recipes from here and have had a few other readers do so as well. Is there a specific one you are looking to print? If so, I can just send you a hard copy if that helps. As for the subscribe, first of all, THANKS! Second of all, I haven’t set up a newsletter yet. It’s on my list of goals for 2018 so stay tuned. I don’t think you’ll get a duplicate though, it should notice by email that you signed up twice. But if you do, let me know and I’ll fix it. Thanks again for the kind words, I really do appreciate them!
Congratulations amazing post I had really enjoy everysingle part, we should be happy to get older and simply laugh about every single aspect of our lives, to be hones has motivated me to think about it I was worried that I will be 34 soon. By the way I hope you had a Happy Birthday