Creamy Sausage, Kale and Gnocchi Soup

I am a woman of BIG emotions.

I cry. A LOT. I laugh. LOUDLY. I love. BIG. I hurt. HARD. I find joy. BIG. I feel pain. HEAVY.

As much as these things are hard for me to admit, and even harder for me to deal with, they’re all true 

For years, I’ve struggled through this Big-ness of personality. I’ve worked to anesthetize my BIG and make it acceptable and clean. I can read a room pretty well, and I’ve become adept at matching the energy, becoming a chameleon of sorts. Blending in. Being cool. Hiding behind humor and the fact that my looks belie my true personality. Keep it cool, Meg. Show your chill.

Because let’s face it, it’s not really cool to be BIG.

The cool kids don’t cry when they’re hurt or watching others hurt. Cool kids don’t laugh so loud it almost (maybe not almost, but totally) sounds like a witch cackle. Cool kids have chill. Cool kids know how to be cool. And cool kids don’t do BIG.

Quirky people do BIG. Weirdos do. The outcasts. The “different.”

And my question is: WHY?

Why don’t big girls cry? Why do we have to act like ladies all the time? Why do we hide behind the vestiges of adulthood and prevent ourselves from really living big if we want to?

When did becoming buttoned-up, disinterested, and the same become cool?

I’ve dealt with this more than a few times in my adult life. In the workforce, tears are not welcome. “NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU CRY” is a career battle cry of strength. Tears are a sign of weakness. Hide them away. Don’t cry. It’s too feminine. It’s not strong and strong always wins in the boardroom.

In social circles, I temper my me to who I’m with. I know my people. I know who gets me and who will accept the full package. But with everyone else, I water down. I shuffle and hide the big parts and take on the face of “sameness” because I want to be accepted. I want to be cool. I can’t quite grasp how to live the sameness, but I can fake it like a champ. 

Friends…I’m so over this. If this is what cool is, I’m done.

And here’s the deal. I’m done because I’m watching my daughter walk the same walk. I’m watching my apple, which has fallen seriously as close to the tree as possible, start to tamp it down. Change it up. Hide her BIG self so she fits in.

I’m watching her giggle through tears as she watches a sad video with a friend, crying because she feels things so deeply. But not wanting to cry because, well, it’s not cool and her friend is laughing at her. So she tucks it down and learns to be the same.

I’m watching her be excluded and ignored at the park by a group of girls she really wants to hang around because they are cool. And when I ask her about it later she shrugs her shoulders and says “well, they don’t like me because I get really excited and act kind of crazy.” Because that’s who she is. And I am terrified she’ll stop being her just to be them.

When did it become cool to be anything but who we are? 

I don’t know, but I can’t do it anymore. I know it starts with me. If I want her to walk the walk of her true identity, I need to walk my own for her to see.

I need her to see me be secure enough in myself to be exactly who I am, nothing more or nothing less, no matter who is around. I want her to watch her mom own her tears and empathy and put them to use, well out of the public eye, for the good of others. I want her to watch me live unashamed in my love for Jesus and own my story of grace and forgiveness, bringing hope to others far from God, close to God, and everywhere in between. I want her to watch me build a tribe of women who love hard and loud and accept everybody, exactly as they are.

I want her to watch all of this and realize that being cool is so overrated. But being exactly who you are–big tears, big laugh, big joy, big love and all–is absolutely EVERYTHANG.

I feel this responsibility now that I am nearing 40 to teach all of my kids, not just my daughter, to live on FIRE for something. To be ALL IN and BIG if that’s who they are. I want them to recognize real true friendship when they see it, a friendship that says “oh yeah, ME TOO” and loves hard, no matter who else is around or what else is going on. I want to teach them that love is BIG and there is no reason to chill it down if they don’t want to.

I have spent so many years hiding. I want to spend the rest of them living. 

And my prayer for all of my children (and all of us, really) is that we don’t waste any more time trying and striving and proving. But we move forward just being. Being real. Being true. Being uncool. Being raw. Being loud. Being quiet. Crying. Laughing. Loving. As big or as small as we want.

As long as it’s real.

After all, Jesus wept. Jesus loved. Jesus lived. He wants us to, too. 

Creamy Sausage, Kale and Gnocchi Soup

And today, friends, on this chilly day after Halloween I’m sharing a recipe handed to me by one of my dearest sweet friends. This girl, she lives BIG too. We’ve laughed together to the point where our sides hurt and we can’t breathe. We’ve cried big huge tears together too. We’ve weathered tough stuff together and held each other up when it’s needed. She once wrote me the sweetest letter ever that I have tucked away inside of my bible to pull out in case of an emotional emergency because it’s so filled with words of life and love. We’ve talked until 3am sharing stories of life and talking the big deep stuff of our dreams. And I’ve watched her grow, now from afar as she lives in another state, from a young single girl into a gorgeous married woman taking hold of her dreams and living a big life, one big enough for her GIANT heart.

I love you, Carley, girl. You are a gift.

And as for this soup, well, it’s a gift too. It’s so easy and fast you can have it on the table with zero fuss on a busy weeknight dinner. Yet it’s so comforting and delicious you’ll go back for more and more. It’s a close friend of my Italian Sausage and Tortellini Soup, but is more comforting and hearty with a creamy base. Perfect for cold nights. I cut the original recipe down in half, but if you double it all it makes enough for a giant crowd. If you are planning on using some as leftovers, I highly recommend rationing out the kale–putting some in each individual bowl and spooning the hot soup over it to wilt it. It’s best if the kale is fresh. Be sure to serve this with some crusty bread to people you love. It’s a bowl full of love, right here, from our heart to yours.

Peace, love and Truth,

Meg 

Creamy Sausage, Kale and Gnocchi Soup

April 4, 2019

Print This

By: Meaghan Dawson

Ingredients

• 1 lb Italian sausage, casings removed
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 3-4 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1 32 ounce carton chicken stock
• 1 cup milk
• 1 tablespoon Italian Seasoning
• 1 box gnocchi
• 1 bunch kale (or spinach)

Directions

• Step 1 Heat a few drizzles of olive oil in a large stock pot over medium heat.
• Step 2 Add onion, garlic, sausage and Italian Seasoning. Cook, stirring often to break up the sausage, until browned, approximately 5 minutes.
• Step 3 Add broth and milk. Bring to a slight boil and then reduce heat to simmer and cook, stirring frequently, about 10 minutes until combined.
• Step 4 Add gnocchi, cooking on medium high 5-10 minutes, until gnocchi are cooked through (they should float to the surface when they’re ready).
• Step 5 Right before serving, tear kale up into bite sized pieces, tossing the stems, and stir into soup.
• Step 6 Serve with crusty bread.
• Step 7 ENJOY!

Sharing is Caring

Facebook

Google

Twitter

Linkedin

Stumbleupon

Yummly