Carrot Cake Muffins with Cream Cheese Glaze

There is a bridge that spans the Chesapeake Bay, from one side (Annapolis, MD) to the other (Kent Island, MD). It is approximately 87.235 miles long and 1,00,000 feet high*. It is suspended right from the clouds and takes to gentle swaying with even the slightest breeze.** It has been voted “the scariest bridge in America” multiple times by publications who vote on such things and some very very smart entrepreneurs have made a killing offering the noble service of taxiing those over the bridge that suffer from so much anxiety that they, themselves, are not able to do so.

These people, my friends, are true American heroes.

Growing up in Maryland this bridge is a rite of passage. You don’t really have your drivers license until you drive over it at least twice.*** There is a whole walk dedicated to crossing this monster on foot. And just ask any Marylander about a time they were stranded at the very tippy top because of a bad accident and you’ll no doubt hear a wild tale. 

Given the fact that I can’t even count the number of times I’ve driven over this bridge,it’s quote ironic that, now as a grown-up adult human being I have such serious anxiety about crossing it that I have to hold my child’s hand (I’m already saving for therapy, don’t worry) and focus on steady breathing so I don’t pass out. I’m one tiny step away from hiring someone to drive me across and passing out in the back seat as they do. True Story.

It would be logical to blame this new found fear on familiarity. Or rather, the lack thereof. Now that I’ve relocated to flat and land locked Texas it’s rare that I get the chance to experience such a modern marvel of bridge engineering, so I’m out of bridge driving practice. This doesn’t fully account for the fear, though. 

Nope. I place my bridge anxiety squarely on the narrow shoulders of my three little angel babies.  Yes, responsible for my stretch marks and grey hair and inability to jump on trampolines, these wonderful little bundles of joy also can be blamed for my unnecessary bridge anxiety. For real.

The raw unfiltered truth behind my fear is this: I cannot drive over this bridge without imagining what would happen if our car were to careen over the edge and start to sink. I can’t wrap my head around trying to undo my babies from their seats and get them to safety. I can’t imagine this. And it makes my breath come fast and heavy and hard just to think about it. Me, I’d be fine. Probably dead, but fine. But throw my babies in this (completely imaginary) ordeal and I can’t move past it.

And if you’re a mom and you don’t stop and try to walk through this scenario right now without breaking out in a little bit of a cold sweat at the idea, well then you’re a better woman than me.

I can imagine navigating one million different potentially dangerous, harmful or downright terrifying scenarios by myself. But throw in one of my children and OH HECK NO. I can imagine being in pain. Yes, even in a weird way I can imagine dying. But my kids, oh H-to-the-ELL no can I wrap my head around any scenario where I cannot protect them, or save them or walk in front of them like Wonder Woman with those kick ass bullet-deflecting arm cuff things. And if I am in a position where I know I would be unable to do so, well, I just can’t take it.

It’s funny, because in so many ways, this bridge is just a physical manifestation of a deep-seeded fear I’ve carried with me since my first baby took his first breath on this planet. Or maybe even before. 

In my own personal life I have faith that there is a plan. That God’s got this and if I trust and follow it will all work out. It might not always be easy or pretty or clean, but my life matters and God’s got this. But when it comes to my kids, it’s not so easy. I am a fear based parent and instead of living with faith, I worry and control and try to bumper pad their lives so I can protect them from pain. I am terrified of something happening to them that will break them. I can’t imagine them suffering. I can’t bear the thought of their pain, their heartbreak, their fears. Yes, I let them walk around out there on this earth and send them to school and let them out of my sight, but when it really comes down to it, I’m still afraid. I can cross that line of faith for myself, but when it comes to my kids, I can’t lay them down and trust that God’s got them too. 

Well, I can’t without a panic attack and uncomfortable sweat stains, at least.

But the truth is that bad things will happen to us all. Things will break us. We will fall. We’ll make bad decisions we regret to our dying day and we will get hurt by people in complete blindsides. This is life. It’s not perfect because we’re not perfect and it’s often messy and angsty and not unlike a Nirvana song. I can’t protect myself from this nor can I protect my children. And if I spend all of my time trying to keep them safe and wrap them in bubble wrap because I have an overactive imagination about the bad stuff that can happen, well then I’m robbing them of the chance to get to some really good and amazing things that are in store for them too. 

See, when I cross that bridge over the Chesapeake Bay, I’m heading to beautiful places. I’ve got to cross it to get to my brothers house, which I am convinced is situated on a parcel of land borrowed directly from God’s own heaven. I have to cross it to get to my parents, too, the safest of safe havens for my soul. It’s the way to the ocean and the way to peace. But I’ve got to cross it first to get there, sweaty palms and all. Otherwise I’m just stuck on the Baltimore side, and Trump says that Baltimore’s the worst so it must be so.

That’s true of life, too. Sometimes we’ve just got to put on our big kid pants, wade through the muck and the fear, and get ourselves through the dark to get to the light. We might have to cross a giant bridge or walk a road that is lonely and  impossible. We will probably go through times that deserve the cursiest of curse words and are completely unfair and unjust. We might shake our fists and say “WHY GOD? WHY?” 

But we’ll also go through amazing times. Times when things click into place and you look around at your life and your blessings and go slack jawed with amazement. Love and joy and happiness, they’re not as sweet without the pain, and often not even possible. And when I look at my own life, and my own children who are arguably the best of my best of times, I can see how God has had me all along. And I know it’s time I move out from the fear and walk in faith that He’s got them too. Because He does. And that’s really all that matters.  

Healthy Carrot Cake Muffins with Cream Cheese Glaze

This recipe for Carrot Cake Muffins with Cream Cheese Glaze has just a little bit in common with this story. Mostly because you have to go through the hell of grating a ton of carrots to get there. But I promise they are worth it. They’re an old-fashioned recipe, another one stolen from my grandmother’s recipe box, but I cleaned it up a bit and made a few healthier swaps so you can feel just a little less guilty about eating them. The real winner, though, might be the glaze. You can add as much or as little as you want but it definitely takes the muffins to the next level so don’t be stingy. 

If you’re a carrot cake purist go ahead and add raisins. I didn’t because I can’t even mention the word without getting gagging sounds from my husband and children, but I do think they’d add a nice touch. I’d recommend soaking them in hot water for 30 minutes or so before adding to the batter but it’s not necessary. Either way, these winners and worth the journey to get there.

Peace, love and bridges,

Meg 

*Not the actual length or height of the bridge

**Not actually suspended from the clouds

***Just not true

Healthy Carrot Cake Muffins with Cream Cheese Glaze

January 24, 2020

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By: Meaghan Dawson

Ingredients

• 3 eggs at room temp, separated
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/2 cup coconut sugar
• 1/2 cup coconut oil
• 1/2 cup applesauce
• 5 tablespoons hot water
• 2 1/2 cup sifted flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 3 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon allspice
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2 cups grated carrots
• 1 cup chopped walnuts (optional)
• For the glaze:
• 4 ounces cream cheese, completely softened
• 1/4 cup powdered sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• pinch of salt
• 3-4 tablespoons milk

Directions

• Step 1 Preheat oven to 350 and line muffin pan with liners (or pray with cooking spray).
• Step 2 Beat egg whites to stiff peaks and set aside.
• Step 3 In a large bowl, sift together the dry ingredients and set aside.
• Step 4 In another large bowl, mix sugar, oil and applesauce together until combined.
• Step 5 Add egg yolks, water and vanilla. Stir well.
• Step 6 Add in sifted dry ingredients and stir until combined.
• Step 7 Add in carrots and nuts and gently fold in egg whites.
• Step 8 Fill muffin cups 3/4 full and bake for 20-23 minutes or until cooked through.
• Step 9 Cool completely on wire racks before glazing.
• Step 10 For the glaze:
• Step 11 Using a mixer, combine cream cheese, powdered sugar, salt and vanilla until smooth.
• Step 12 Add in milk, one tablespoon at a time, until consistency is to your liking.
• Step 13 Glaze muffins as desired.

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