Oh, T-swift. You’ve got the lips. You’ve got the legs. You’ve got those ridiculously catchy songs that I hate to love. You are a woman of many talents and many things (and cats). And you’re also the queen of the #squadgoal, aren’t you? Your tribe spans envy and replication near and far and you’re unapologetic in your promotion of your squad on all the things. And that’s awesome.
I mean, if you’re under 30 you for sure have a squad or a tribe, right? You’ve got your girls, your girls have got you. And these girls are life. Even if you have a perfectly wonderful significant other there is nothing quite like your squad, nothing like those girls who know you, inside and out (and yes, dudes, the truth is your girl’s friends will know more about your girl than you ever will. #truefact) And if you don’t have a squad yet, maybe you moved to a new city to start a new career or you just graduated college or just became a mom and you’re trying to find your squad, I can guarantee you’ve got #squadgoals and are on the lookout for your new tribe right now.
Because we’ve been taught that squads are EVERYTHANG.
I mean, I’m well over 30 and I can’t look at T-Swift’s girl power posts without having squad envy. Maybe it’s because when I wear a high-waisted vintage bikini and stand next to my girlfriends at the beach I look less like I’m being ironic and more like I’m being considerate. Or maybe it’s because the older we get the harder it is to hold on to that squad. As life pressures and commitments begin to tug harder and place more restrictions on our time, friendships become more “we pick up right where we left off” and less “we never let off.” And that is life.
I’d say that now, knee-deep in middle age, I have more of a pick-up team than a squad. And it is what it is.
But I’ve come to recognize that while my #squad has murky borders and seems to be more a living organism that breathes and grows and shrinks at near random, I have come to rely on the village more and more. Unlike the squad, the village is not defined. There are no inclusions and exclusions. It’s borders are fluid and changing. To understand the village is to understand that being a human takes all of us, and I mean ALL.OF.US, playing our part and looking out for each other to make this world go ’round.
The old African proverb tells us that it takes a village to raise a child. But it also takes a village to be a human. To feel alive. To thrive. The village isn’t always functional and happy and harmonious, just turn on the news for a second and you’ll see. But it’s our village nonetheless and it’s all of us and maybe we need to start doing better to protect and uplift each other. 
My village consists of the few mothers who sounded the alarms and alerted me to some concerning posts my son was putting out on social media. These few mothers, one who I do not even know personally, cared enough and traded the risk (because it’s a touchy thing these days to be the “whistle blower” parent. There’s an awful lot of shoot the messenger going on) for the common understanding that this was scary and dangerous and I needed to know.
And it sucked. It was awful. And I have cried a lot over this week. But still, they are my village and I am forever grateful to them.
My village is the elderly lady in the checkout line at the grocery store. The one I saw for just a minute, who I might never see again. This lady is my village because she took the time, just a few seconds at most, to compliment my children. To tell me I must be doing something right. To shine some light. She’ll never know this but that day my heart was breaking. My family was in chaos. And it was all I could do to hold it together. But she took a moment, just a moment, to bring me light.
And I needed that simple moment to get me through because my battle at home was bigger than she probably ever could have imagined. She is my village.
Being a human is hard. This isn’t a mom thing or a dad thing or a kid thing. It’s hard. No one gets out of this thing unscathed. And the truth is we never truly know the battles other people face. But being that we’re all human, we’re all a part of this giant VILLAGE and we have opportunities every single day, both large and small, to help another village member out, to make their day brighter or better or easier. This village is black and white and yellow and red. It’s male and female, moms and dads and non-parents alike. It’s English speaking and Jesus believing just as much as it’s not. It’s all of us collectively.
We’re ALL IN THIS VILLAGE.
Y’all, I need this village. I needed those moms to clue me in to potentially harmful information about my son so I could protect him. A lot of people saw it. Just a few stood up and said “Not in my village. Not today.” And I needed that. I needed that compliment in the checkout line. That lady didn’t know this. She couldn’t see into my heart so see how much it was heavy. But she saw something good in her village, and wanted to share it. Because that’s what the village does.
We’re so accustomed to this village feeling disconnected and acrimonious. I feel like we’ve become almost numb to people being rude or unfriendly. We’re trained to mind our own business and stay out of the mess. “Not my circus, not my monkeys” is both a meme and the way we act. But this IS our circus. And these ARE our monkeys. 
It is so easy to get stuck in our squads. To make an impact on only those closest to us and circle the ranks so that we’re an exclusive club. Social media and pop culture tells us to find “our people and love them hard” and glorifies the squad over all else. And while I think squads have value, I truly believe the village is more important.
The village includes the fringe people, the ones you don’t invite to Girl’s Night because they’re not squad material. They need you too. The village includes strangers who can make your day by simply choosing kindness or sharing a smile. Those little things matter. The village can save a life by speaking up even when it’s uncomfortable and it can being light to the darkness simply because, well, it’s the right thing to do.
#squadgoals are great. But #villagegoals are better. Not everyone has a squad. This is sad but true. There are some lonely, isolated and rejected people out there. The glorification of the squad can tell the marginalized, the fringe, “you’re not one of us” but the village says “you’re needed here.” The village might require a little more work and it might be uncomfortable. It’s not insulated from differences or conflict, but it’s our village and if we start looking outside of our sharply divided squad lines and realizing that we’re all in this together, I think we’d find a lot of ways to help the hurting and make the world brighter outside of our squad lines.
Village Goals are everythang….and it’s time we start talking about them.
Welcome to BurntToast! My name is Meaghan, and this is my safe space, a place where we can share stories, share recipes and share life. It’s my dream that you can come here, kick your shoes off and pour yourself a glass of wine while you read, laugh, and maybe even hop into the kitchen. This is my heart, for all of you to see. And ALL are welcome here.