In My Own Words: Connor’s Cleft Story

If you’ve been around here for a while you’ve probably noticed that we often share the story about Connor’s cleft as a way to raise awareness for craniofacial differences as well as promote his annual birthday fundraiser. Every year, it is me who tells his story mostly from my perspective as a mother. But this year, in light of his 13th birthday, we decided that it was time for Connor to tell his own story, in his own words.

What follows is a full transcript of my “interview” with Connor. Because he is a 13-year-old boy, sometimes the answers aren’t as deep as I would have liked or even make sense. But I decided even the nonsensical ones give you a peek into this amazing kid’s quirky sense of humor and perspective. Therefore I didn’t edit any of them.

As much as I wanted to–especially when he uses weird teen vernacular and says things I don’t understand. (Yup. It’s all in here)

In the end, I think this interview shows, more than anything, that a child born with a cleft like Connor’s is no different at all than a “normal” child. This is true of all children, no matter what “defect” they are born with. They deserve respect, care, and kindness. And are probably all pretty amazing humans as well.

Thank you for following along on his amazing journey. Your support over the years has been tremendous. Without you, none of this would exist. We are so grateful for each and every one of you.

In My Own Words: Connor’s Cleft Story

M: Ok. Are you ready?

C: Yeah.

M: OK. What’s your name and how old are you?

C: I’m Connor Dawson and I’m 13-years-old.

M: What do you like to do? What types of things do you like to do?

C: Ummm…I like to play video games. Play sports. And be with my friends.

M: Ok. And what grade are you in?

C: 7th grade.

M: Can you tell me something interesting or exciting about yourself?

C: No I can’t think of anything…

M: (laughing) Well there’s plenty of interesting and exciting things about you.

C: Well you would know better than me.

M: All right, so let’s talk a little bit about your cleft. What’s the first thing you remember about your cleft?

C: I don’t really remember anything except for my last surgery. And what I remember about that is just the experience. Pretty much. That’s all I remember.

M: Well tell me about the experience.

C: Wow. I really have to wrack my brain for this one. So I remember getting there. And I remember being really scared in the car. And I remember the waiting room. And I remember, like, not feeling anything after they gave me the thing.

M: the mask?

C: No. Not the mask. The thing that they give me before they wheel me in.

M: Oh, the medicine?

C: Yeah. And after that, I remember waking up and I couldn’t open my mouth that well. And I remember sleeping in the hospital and you sleeping on the couch next to me. That’s all I remember.

M: Ok. So that’s it? Do you remember asking them to stop when they were wheeling you back and you made us all pray?

C: No. I don’t remember that.

M: You said “STOP! Can my mom pray with us?” (laughing)

C: You just told me about that. I don’t remember it.

M: You did. I’m not making it up. You can ask anyone that was there. I swear. OK. Do remember not the experience of having a cleft, but what have you thought about having a cleft throughout your life?

C: Well, pretty much the only effect it has had on me that I remember is it makes it harder to do simple things like blow balloons, whistle, and like blow bubbles and suck on a straw and stuff like that.

M: Yeah. That’s true. But I can’t whistle either. So there’s that…

C: Well I guess whistle is more universal.

M: No. It’s definitely because of your cleft. OK. Do you ever feel like things have been harder for you?

C: No. Not really.

M: Not really? (Kind of surprised) That’s good. have you ever felt that your friends have….has anyone ever said anything to you about it or made you feel uncomfortable about it?

C: Uhhhh…no. I do remember one kid that just came up to me and said “do you have a cleft lip?” And I was confused because he was a Pink kid (another elementary school) at Griffin (the middle school where they go now). And umm…we were wearing a mask all of 6th grade so when he came up to me I was confused. I said “how do you know that?” And he said “I saw you on Zoom.” I guess the scar is more evident than I thought.

M: I think you have to know what you are looking for. I wonder if he knows someone that has one.

C: Yeah. He did. I was like “how do you know about cleft lips?” And…I can’t remember what he said but he did…That’s all I remember.

M: Now, has anyone ever made fun of you or anything like that?

C: (annoyed at this stupid question from his mom) NO. No kid is going to make fun of someone in 2022 because of a cleft.

M: You think?

C: Yes. I know. Not at Griffin. They’re all too sensitive and don’t want to get in trouble.

M: That’s fair. Can you see how it could happen though? Somewhere else?

C: Yes. Totally.

M: All right. So tell me about this birthday thing. Why do you do this every year?

C: Well I know my life hasn’t been that hard because you were able to take care of it. But if someone’s family is already struggling, like they don’t have money to eat, like a lot of food. I mean, they’re probably gonna die.

M: Well that’s morbid. But probably true. Ok. So why do you keep doing it? It seems to me like a lot of kids your age wouldn’t trade in birthday presents to help someone else.

C: (still exasperated with his mom) Well I don’t want anything anyway.

M: Fair. You were really hard to buy for at Christmas. But you’re not making this very easy. What do you wish that your classmates or peers would learn from you? If anything?

C; Uhhhh….I wish they would learn to quit worrying about themselves.

M: (laughing) Ok. You’re really not making this easy.

C: I’m just giving it to you straight.

M: Ok. Is there anything you wish that people who aren’t familiar with clefts knew about the life of people who have them, not just here where people can afford to get surgeries, but everywhere?

C: I wish they would learn that it’s not just like a terminal illness that kills someone. It’s plenty of things…Uhh..I don’t know how to say it. So basically, everyone is always just worrying about cancer and stuff and that’s what they donate to. I mean, someone only donates to stuff if someone, like, famous promotes it.

M: Ok???? (confused because I have no idea what he is talking about)

C: Because people just want to feel accepted. But they should just donate to donate.

M: Just to do something good. So are you saying that even though it’s not going to kill you, it’s still a bad thing that needs help?

C: (still annoyed that his dense mother is not getting it) NO. I’m saying that people are only worried about the really bad things. But there are other things.

M: That we should care about?

C: Yes.

M: Ok. So do you think your surgeries changed your life? What would your life be like if you didn’t have that?

C: Are you talking about if we were in the same situation…

M: No, if you never had the surgery…

C: But we were in the same situation with enough money for food?

M: Yes.

C: So this is just in some freak chance we didn’t know it was curable?

M: No. Ok. I’ll tell you, and I’ve talked to a lot of other parents who feel this way, right before we were going to send you into surgery the first time, I didn’t want to get it fixed.

C: well duhhhh….

M: No. Not because of the surgery. I liked the way you looked. I didn’t want you to change.

C: WHAAATTTT??

M: You fall in love with how your child looks. It’s not…you don’t love someone…you don’t love your child just because they look a certain way. I don’t know how to explain it. But I’ve talked to a lot of other parents who feel the same way. There was a part of me that was like “no, don’t do it.”

C: because of the way I looked?

M: because I just loved you the way you were and didn’t think you needed to be “fixed.”

C: WHAATTTT? (cannot believe this crazy talk from his mother)

M: But I knew the world needed you to be fixed. Like in order for you to have a decent life…

C: that makes no sense.

M: (laughing) Ok. Let’s keep it simple. Do you think that this surgery for other children around the world, changes their lives?

C: Yes. I wouldn’t do it if it didn’t change their lives.

M: Ok…HOW do you think it changes their lives.

C: Umm..saves their lives.

M: Anything else? Because what if they would live???

C: Tell them that we’re not a phase argument…

M: I don’t even know what that means…

C: It means we’re not scripting it.

M: Well clearly we aren’t scripting it.

C: (mumbling about video games)

M: I’m really sorry to be breaking you away from your Roblox world.

C: Don’t put that in.

M: I’m 100% putting that in Ummm..ok. Answer this last question. It’s the most important question. Who is your favorite parent?

C: I already answered that one on paper.

M: Well answer it again so everyone can hear it?

C: Umm…my dad.

M: WHAT? (laughing) That is not what you said in the printed interview.

C: yeah, but now all your friends know.

M: He’s lying. he said me.

C: Laughing….muy beuno.

M: Ok. thank you for your time, Connor Dawson. Do you have any last things to say to the people who donated?

C: I’m grateful that you care enough to do that.

M: How about just thank you?

C: Uhh..thank you.

M: Thank you Connor. That was a sheer pleasure.

I hope this little interview gives you some perspective into Connor’s journey, from his side. In full disclosure, I really was hoping he would provide some deep, insightful, ah-ha moment that would make you all whip your wallets out and start donating. But, he’s a kid. And he’s really normal and fun and was more than a little annoyed that I was busting into his video game time. So this is what we got.

But no matter what Connor says, the fact remains that Operation Smile does amazing things, transforming the lives of children (and adults) one smile at a time. And we are honored every year to partner with them for Connor’s Birthday Fund. If you wish to donate, please do so HERE. It takes just $240 to change a life and every little bit helps.

We are so grateful for you.

Peace, love, and smiles,

Meg (and Connor)

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