The VERY BEST Banana Bread

The Very BEST Banana Bread (recipe down below, as always)

As I sit here and write these words, I am staring at fingernails that are bitten down to bloody numbs. Prior to typing one word, I sat and played with my hair for 30 minutes trying to get up the nerve to open up my laptop. And before that, I spent another 30 minutes working up the nerve to make a 2-minute phone call to a doctor’s office.

Friends, this is all anxiety right here.

When people picture an anxious person, there is specific imagery that comes to mind. Panic attacks. Jittery behavior. OCD. Constant nervousness. Our generalized understanding of anxiety is that it looks a uniform way. Bag breathing. Hyperventilating.

I look like none of these things. Publicly, I appear calm. I share my life on social media without too much stress and, for the most part, people think I am confident and have my s$$$ together. I do. Sort of. Yet I will tell you, quite honestly, that I am also riddled with anxiety on a low-lying undercurrent level that disrupts my life, especially since the pandemic began.

A little while back I shared on an Instagram post what this anxiety looks like for me, how it makes me flake on plans because I get nervous (for no reason), how making connections with people is hard for me even though I desperately want to. I shared how I sometimes appear aloof and uncaring in public, but really it’s just crippling anxiety and shyness getting in the way of the friendliness I want to show. I don’t look like I am anxious. Yet these are all my tells.

It was the first time I went “public” (as if anyone really cares about my public proclamations) with my struggles in such a literal way. It was the first time I opened up about what it looks like on a daily basis, how I feel, and what things are hard for me. It was a scary share and one I moved on my schedule 4 times, pushing it back further and further because it didn’t feel safe to drop it out there in public. It felt sort of like I posted a risque photo or accidentally spilled my worst secret. I felt exposed and had no idea what to expect when it finally went live.

But this is what I found. I am NOT alone.

It seems to me, by my very unscientific research, that a lot of people are struggling right now. Like, really deeply struggling. Not just in the #hotmessexpress oh-isn’t-this-cute that I can’t get it together sense, but in the I don’t know if I’m going to make it through the day-sense. And I also know, after hearing this from so many of you, that you can’t quite figure out why. After all, we are almost at the end of the pandemic. We survived the unsurvivable. We successfully navigated homeschooling, working from home, entertaining little ones in quarantine, too much togetherness or not enough, fear of infection, confusion, division. We survived all of this. We should be doing better, right?

Well, hold up. Maybe not.

Now I am not a licensed professional, so do not take this as if I am. But because I am struggling, I started seeing one and she’s taught me a few things that I figured I might pass onto you, dear readers. None of this, I repeat, NONE OF THIS is a substitute for actual therapy so the first thing I’m going to tell you is to get your booty in a licensed counselors chair (or your own chair via teletherapy) ASAP. This has been a game-changer for me in terms of managing this undercurrent of panic I’ve been walking around with for a year now.

BUT, in case you are struggling and need a little in the moment fix, here are three things that help me:

• UNDERSTANDING THE ROOT: Before the pandemic, we were all pretty convinced that we had control over our lives. In fact, studies show that most adults think they have about 80% control over the outcome of their days. The dirty little secret, we really don’t. That same study shows we only really have about 3-4% control. Freaky, right? Now, before COVID hit, we were happy(ish) and content walking around in our little delusion of control. It worked for us. But AFTER it hit, well, that’s a different story because COVID pulled back the drapes a bit, exposing how little control we actually have and how much of our daily lives can be altered in a heartbeat by outside factors. Y’all. We were NOT ok with this. In fact, my counselor pointed out that this is the very reason why so many people are fighting so hard against the masks and why conspiracy theories are running rampant. People simply cannot make peace with the fact that we don’t have control and we are not going down without a fight, staking our claims of “freedom” on the wrong things (ahem, masks). What does this mean for you? Well, it means that this anxiety is pretty normal considering we weren’t psychologically ready to learn that we don’t have control over our lives. So the next time you start getting anxious and going down a subsequent shame spiral because you don’t understand why–remind yourself of this fact: WE’RE ALL ANXIOUS right now. Every single one of us. Those people screaming about masks? Anxiety. Those people saying it’s all a hoax? Anxiety as well. This does not make it better. But just understanding WHY might help a bit.
• CHOOSE ONE THING: My anxiety manifests itself in weird ways, almost all social. I can connect via the internet all day long, but the moment I have to go meet a friend for coffee and I’m not entirely comfortable either with them or with myself that day, I’ll flake. Or if I’m about to walk into a situation where I don’t know everyone or might have to step out of my comfort zone. Forget it. I’m probably not going to do it. But even further than that, since the pandemic, I have created this complicated dance of risk and reward for even the smallest errand or excursion. Need a few things at Target? I might not do it unless the risk (running out of said things) is greater than the reward (getting those things). Meaning, I don’t like going out in public anymore. This is not good for my mental health. So my counselor is working with me to choose ONE thing each week that sets me out of my comfort zone. The ultimate goal is not to make 1 million wanton trips to Target each week or grab a coffee every day, but rather to start stretching myself a little bit more to open my life back up again. So if you’re struggling and finding yourself closing off from people, choose ONE thing. Just ONE. Start there. Make it coffee with a safe friend. Or just one random trip to the store when you only need one thing. First, try one. Then maybe do two. In other words, take baby steps towards the things that make you anxious. Give yourself grace when you struggle, but also push yourself. After all, astronauts don’t launch back into the Earth at full speed. There is re-entry for them too.*
• GIVE YOURSELF GRACE (AND PROPS): So it’s easy to fall down a negative thought spiral when you are feeling anxious about normal things like meeting a friend for coffee. You’ll call yourself weak or stupid for letting anxiety control you. You’ll feel ridiculous because it’s such an easy thing, really, and you know logically there is nothing to be afraid of. So you’ll begin to create a negative narrative around who you are because of your anxiety. But one simple trick my counselor taught me has helped me balance these thought spirals before they go out of control–Add Another Thought. Sometimes we simply cannot stop a negative thought from appearing in our minds. We’re not all Jedis. So instead of shaming ourselves for having them or despairing over the futility of stopping them, why not just add a counter thought every time a negative one pops in your head? So for instance, the next time you call yourself weak for canceling on a friend, don’t fight the thought, let it come in. But then immediately counter it with “but I am strong because I survived the pandemic.” Or when you’re calling yourself stupid because you let anxiety get the best of you, turn around and say “I am smart because I was able to homeschool my children for a year.” There is always a counter. ALWAYS, even if it small and you don’t 100% believe it about yourself, speak it out loud. After all, you DID survive a pandemic. You DID become a homeschooler or a work-from-home master. You did these things and you’re still here. And trust me friend, you are doing fine. So tell yourself you are. (and if you can’t, call me and I will).

As I said, none of these are substitutes for good counseling. But dear friend, you have already done the hard thing, you survived the pandemic. And I want you to know that you are worth fighting hard to get out of this anxiety loop. I’m fighting right along beside you and love you more than you know.

*I’m not sure if this is true. But it sounds good, right?

The Very BEST Banana Bread

Well, what a fitting topic for a recipe called The Very BEST Banana Bread because if there is one thing on Earth that causes my anxiety to melt away it is working in the kitchen. And more specifically, baking. And this very best banana bread was created during a fit of anxiety that also happened to coincide with a plethora of browning bananas sitting on my counter.

The thing about Banana bread is I already have one recipe for it on the blog. And it’s a good one. There is nothing wrong with it; it’s tasty and sweet and all the things you want out of sweetbread. But there is something about the perfectionist in me that won’t let a recipe lie until I feel like I’ve got it exactly where I want it and I wasn’t quite there with that one. Now, I didn’t take it down and it will remain on the blog. But I wanted to offer this one as well. A slightly sweeter bread that rises a bit higher due to the addition of a second leavening agent.

A few things to note about this recipe: I used vegan butter (Earth Balance is the best brand out there) but real eggs so it’s not quite vegan. However, if you substitute a flax egg I believe you will get the same or at least similar results, making the recipe completely vegan. The topper in this recipe happened completely by chance–I was about to throw it in the oven when I glanced over and saw some leftover cinnamon sugar from Connor’s morning breakfast toast. Just a little sprinkle of that before baking took it over the top, but, because it was a preexisting mix, I don’t have exact measurements. Just go for an equal mix of both and you should be fine.

Finally, I like my banana bread slightly undercooked because the gooey parts give me all the warm and fuzzy feels. Everyone else in my family hates this. So, if you’re a weirdo like me, go for 40 minutes. If you’re normal and like things completely baked through, maybe give it the full 45 and you’ll be golden.

And as always…

Peace, love and peace,

Meg

The Very BEST Banana Bread

March 19, 2021

Print This

By: Meaghan Dawson

Ingredients

• 3 very ripe and browning bananas
• 1/3 cup butter, melted
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 large egg
• 1 1/2 cup flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• For the topping
• 1 teaspoon sugar
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon

Directions

• Step 1 Preheat the oven to 350 and spray a 4×8 loaf pan with cooking spray
• Step 2 In a large bowl, mash bananas well with a potato masher or the back of a fork
• Step 3 Add sugar and melted butter and mix well.
• Step 4 Stir in egg and vanilla.
• Step 5 Combine all dry ingredients (except for topping) and sift directly onto top of wet.
• Step 6 Stir gently to combine without overmixing.
• Step 7 Pour into prepared pan.
• Step 8 Stir together the cinnamon and sugar for the topping and sprinkle liberally on top of the bread.
• Step 9 Bake in oven for 42-45 minutes, or until the desired degree of doneness.
• Step 10 ENJOY!

Sharing is Caring

Facebook

Google

Twitter

Linkedin

Stumbleupon

Yummly