Coconut Curry Lentils and Sweet Potatoes

My son has an obsession with Ross. No, not this Ross:

This one: 

Why? You ask.

Good question.

He’s obsessed with Ross because he’s obsessed with shoes. Sneakers, to be exact. I understand this is not unusual; that it’s a thing among boys right now to want to have the best, the most expensive, and in my opinion, the ugliest sneakers around. But because he was blessed with extremely cheap frugal parents, he has no hope of ever competing with his otherwise sneaker blessed peers. He knows that he’s not going to get those coveted NMDs (or whatever they’re called) at full price. 

But because he was also blessed with the stubborn constitution of an ox, he will not let mere financial circumstances stand in the way of his goal to become the coolest kid in the fifth grade. Thus the Ross obsession.

Because apparently their advertising worked on one extremely susceptible 10 year-old who now believes that he can, in fact, dress for less  if he just can convince his weary parents to take him there. (Actual evidence that marketing degrees are not, in fact, just very expensive pieces of fancy paper)

And this obsession is what found me standing in the disaster that is known as our local Ross at 7pm on a Saturday evening. FUMING.

And it was this obsession that also what taught me a very brutal lesson in something I should have learned years ago, BOUNDARIES.

Because I offered to take him there. I gave him a choice that seemed so logical and obvious to me that there seemed no way he would chose the worst option. But he did. And I resented the heck out of it and him in that hateful trip.

But let me back up…..

Last Saturday was a typical weekend day in our household. We’re still in that dreamland known as “not baseball season” so we are free and clear to do what we please, when we please. We do our chores, our laundry, we lay around (read: nap), we play. Usually a good time is had by all. This particular Saturday however, for whatever reason, we had some special things planned for two out of the three of our children. Nothing huge, just a movie and a trip to the store, but in our world they were special one on one moments which are so rare. And never to be left out or excluded, my oldest caught wind of the disparity and set out on a single-minded mission to let fairness reign in our family once again. He wanted to get his “something special.” And he wanted it RIGHT NOW.  

And thus began a systematic and targeted campaign with the sole purpose of achieving his goal. No measures were excluded, no amount of annoyance was out of the question. All weapons were employed and on target. He was going to get his way. He was going to get to Ross. 

Can I get an AMEN from parents everywhere who know what this feels like?

Finally, worn down by the pestering , the whining and the general intensity of his repeated requests we made him a deal. We promised that my husband would take him to the local outlets in the morning after church if he could just wait it out through the night. My husband, being the preferred choice for this excursion because mommy is a apparently a tightwad with zero sneaker appreciation. (his words, not my own). 

Yet he persisted. Because if you know kids you know that now is better than better any day.

So, worn down and beaten up, we gave him one last choice: Either I would take him to Ross that night or my husband would take him to the outlets in the morning. NO BRAINER.

Unless you’re 10 and immediacy is more important than quality.

So there I was, stuck at Ross Dress for Less on a Saturday night.

Now let me ask you this, have you ever been to Ross on Saturday night? NO? Ok. Let me paint you a picture. On a Saturday night Ross looks like it has been ransacked by pirates. There is merchandise everywhere. Shelves are optional and, apparently, not preferable. There’s no rhyme or reason to product placement at this point in the evening and you are just as likely to find a woman’s bra in the men’s shoe section as you are to find, well, a man’s shoe. It’s very crowded. And for whatever reason there are a lot of screaming babies. And someone always, and I mean always, seems to have an aversion to personal hygiene. 

It’s not pretty.

Yet there I was, angry and annoyed with my son because he made a bad choice. Didn’t he? Wasn’t this all his fault? Let me tell y’all, I was ugly that night. My heart was black and I was UGLY. I was mad at that store, mad at the merchandise strewn everywhere (seriously, who does that?), mad at my son and mad at the hideously ugly powder blue hightops he was trying to convince me to buy. 

I was just mad.

And then, on the ride home something happened. Kind of like when the Grinch hears the Who’s singing on Christmas Day, my heart began to grow. And God, He was doing some work in that empty cave as I drove up the tollway, friends. 

I began to think that maybe the problem wasn’t his choice, after all. Maybe the problem wasn’t the store (though let’s face it. Ross needs improvements). Maybe the problem was me. Maybe the problem was that I should never have offered him the choice in the first place, because I clearly was not ok with it. Which he did.   

This, my friends, is called setting boundaries to protect your expectations.

And I clearly failed. 

Parenting is a mess of boundaries and expectations and failures and successes. We want our children to be happy. We want them to know we love them. And generally we will go to extreme lengths to prove this, over and over again, as if they are our final judge. (that’s a whole other topic we should explore and dissect, for sure). But sometimes, in order to not be the “bad guy” we give them these choices, these options, and expect they they will make the best choice. OUR best choice. But this often doesn’t go the way we plan. And we end up in our own proverbial Ross, angry.

When the problem wasn’t the choice at all, it was the option.

This weekend I learned that I can’t do that anymore. Resentment is a rough space to dwell. It’s not healthy. It’s not fun. So why put something out there that can ultimately lead me there? Friends, I know now to weigh my options very carefully. To only offer choices when I am completely at peace with all outcomes. And to stop resenting choices when they aren’t the ones that I would make (as long as they’re not harmful, obviously). 

I’m pretty sure I’m about 20 years too late in learning this, but I guess you’re never too old to grow. 

And in the spirit of setting boundaries, I’m sharing with you one of my favorite recipes. It’s healthy. It’s easy and it’s perfect for lunch or dinner. I make this recipe, or different variations of it, often. And here’s the thing, my entire family hates lentils. But I would still serve it. And then get frustrated when they stared at it, played with it, fed it to the dog, basically did everything with it but put it in their mouths. But here’s the boundary thing. I know they hate lentils. Why should I feel angry that they won’t eat it? I shouldn’t. I need to move past it and enjoy it for myself. So that’s what I’m doing. Lentils for lunch, today, alone.

Peace, love and boundaries! 

Coconut Curry Lentils and Sweet Potatoes

November 15, 2019

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adapted from Vegan Angela's Coconut Curry Lentil Soup: https://vegangela.com/2014/01/09/coconut-curry-lentil-soup/

By: Meaghan Dawson

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon coconut oil
• 2 large shallots, minced
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 inch piece of ginger, grated
• 2 carrots, finely diced
• 1 bell pepper (red or yellow) finely chopped
• 1 large sweet potato, small diced
• 2 tablespoon tomato paste
• 2 tablespoon curry powder
• pinch of red pepper flakes (according to your taste)
• 3 cups chicken broth
• 1 can full-fat coconut milk
• 1 can died tomatoes
• 1 1/2 cup dried red lentils
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

• Step 1 In a large pot, heat oil over medium high heat and add onion, garlic, ginger, carrots and bell pepper. Season with salt and pepper. Cook, stirring often, until onion is translucent.
• Step 2 Add in the tomato paste, curry powder, and red pepper, mixing well to incorporate. Stir for one minute.
• Step 3 Add in the broth, coconut milk, tomatoes, lentil and sweet potatoes. Bring to a boil, then simmer on low for 30 minutes or until lentils are cooked through and sweet potatoes are tender.
• Step 4 Taste for seasoning and adjust accordingly.
• Step 5 Serve over steamed rice with chopped cilantro, lime and sour cream to garnish.

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