This probably doesn’t need repeating, as it’s not something I’ve been shy about at all, but I turned 40 this year. The BIG 4-0. Four decades young–that’s me.
I do not hold this fact back. I am not coy about my age nor do I feel shame or fear about growing older. I haven’t felt this rapid deterioration I was warned about and with the exception of my less than stellar memory, which has truthfully nothing to do with age and everything to do with the information overload of motherhood/work/life, and this oddly one-sided eyebrow crease I don’t feel any worse for the wear.
Well, at least I didn’t feel worse for the wear until last week when an old nagging hip injury decided to rear its ugly head. But this time, unlike my days of youth and vigor, it didn’t want to go away with just a few Advil and some rest. It hung around. And got worse. And apparently felt inclined to remind that I am not, in fact, 30 anymore so therefore strenuous non-stop exercises (like getting up from the couch and heading over to the fridge) are maybe no longer in my wheelhouse.
Being the pragmatist that I am, I decided to simply change course. No harm, no foul. I can’t just STOP all exercise. That would be ludicrous and also extremely detrimental to my waistline given that I also am unable to stop eating Pirates Booty and drinking wine. So an alternative was necessary.
Lucky for me I have a good friend who owns a local Holy Yoga studio (Go there NOW–Dwell Yoga). And lucky for me she was kind enough to walk me through my best choice ensuring that not only would I get a good safe workout but I’d also get my daily dose of holy in one shot. That sounds like a Win-Win, right?
And it was.
I loved every second. I felt stronger, more centered, and, being the social animal I am, I loved re-immersing myself in the group class environment. So I can’t wait to get back. In the meantime, though, since my schedule has been a little wonky since then, I decided to try yoga at home the old-fashioned way, YouTube.
Sure, it wouldn’t be as holy. And it would probably involve my dog licking my toes and much less presentable workout wear, but it would still be something, right? So I settled in, grabbed my mat, and searched it up. Landing on a very popular Yoga YouTuber (who will remain nameless so as to protect the innocent), I hit play. Surely 1.8 million other people can’t be wrong, right? Surely she must be good at this whole yoga thing.
Y’all. I almost died and not for the reasons you might think.
Let me walk you through, as best possible, my inner monologue during the 10 minutes I endured through this practice.
“Wow. This is great. OK. Got it. Criss cross applesauce. Hands to heart. Breathe. I am SO zen right now.”
“Shoot. Is the coffee maker still on. mmmm…coffee. Should I make another cup?”
“Seriously, Meaghan. Center. Breathe. You’ve got this.”
“Man, my toenails need to be painted. And why does this mole on my ankle look so suspicious?”
“Focus. Just Focus.”
“Why are we still sitting here? What the heck is she talking about? I feel like she’s rambling. Is she rambling? My foot is asleep.”
“Breathe. Focus. Set your intention. You can sit still and focus for two minutes, Meg. You’ve got this.”
“Why are you still talking? I’ll tell you what my intention is, lady. My intention is to move.
How long have we been hands to hearting now?”
“Don’t you dare check, Meaghan. Do NOT check how long it’s been. Seriously Meaghan. This is not zen. You have ZERO chill.”
{Presses Pause. Checks the time.}
“10 MINUTES? I’ve been in the same position for 10 minutes. WTH? Who does this? How is this a workout?”
“This is yoga. Yoga is good. Breathe.”
“Well, screw this, lady. I’m out.”
Nailed it.
If there ever was a yogi in the history of yogis with less chill than I had in that ten-minute failure of an at-home session, I’d like to meet them. If yoga is supposed to center you, I missed the memo. I was so agitated and so wound up by the time I pressed STOP I’m surprised our remote isn’t broken in half from the impact of my Hulk Smash Hands. And let’s just say, for the sake of her sanity, it’s a good thing that two-way television isn’t available to the masses yet because that poor instructor would probably be in therapy for weeks after hearing the creative language I was hurling at her direction.
What the actual heck is wrong with me?
Now, in my defense, I’ve actually done yoga before, both in class and at home. I had no problem with cursing or yelling or throwing remotes at Dwell last week. So clearly I’m not all hot mess in yoga pants. But this has happened more than I care to admit. I am absolutely opposed to being still.
Both physically and in my soul.
Being still feels scary. I use busyness as a buffer between my heart and my head. I can’t feel and I can’t think when I’m moving. When I’m filled to the brim with all the things–the running, the striving, the shuffle, yes, the flintstone feet of life (wrote about that one here)–I can’t slow down and when I can’t slow down I don’t have to think about, well, anything.
And I really truly don’t want to spend that much time alone in my mind. It’s scary in there.
I don’t know if I am alone in this, but I would venture to guess I am not. Somehow we’ve all come to this place of constant frenetic stimuli and action. We’re inundated with stuff all day long–texts, social media, tv, news, Trump, fear, politics, the Kardashians, drama, the Bachelor–that to shut it all down and shut it all out feels scarier than the constant influx. Yes, this seems counter-intuitive to me too. Yes, it seems like we would want to shut it all down and close it out, even if just for a few moments.
But at least for me, that doesn’t work. Because when I shut it all down and close it all out it gives me time to actually process all of the things I’ve been avoiding for so long. Shutting down the constant influx allows the dust to settle up there. It lets my fears come front and center and my stream of consciousness to run wild. It’s not pretty.
Given the fact that what scares us is supposed to change us, though, I know it’s probably in my best interest to tackle this problem head-on. I know it’s good for me to process. I know I need to slow it down and think it through. There’s so much going on–kid problems, potential life changes, business growth, and opportunities flying in–that sometimes I can’t process it all. But in order for it all to make sense, I’ve got to. I have to sit down, settle into the quiet and force myself to think, to feel, to hurt if I have to.
And maybe most of all, I’ve got to sit down and listen. Listen to my heart. Listen to my gut. And most importantly, listen to my God.
God speaks in whispers while the world is screaming in our ears. And I, for one, really need to create some quiet space in my life so I can hear Him.
So, the moral of this story is probably “take a yoga class and don’t curse at the instructor.” Or maybe it’s “sit down. shut up. and listen.” But it’s also probably this: This world is loud. There are lots of things coming our way. Make sure at least some of them are wrapped in peace. Make sure some of them are filled with love.
And breathe. Always breathe.
Creamy Sausage and Tomato Gnocchi
So, friends, today I share a recipe that’s easy peasy and gives you some space around dinnertime to breathe. It’s a #toolboxrecipe everyone loves, even my pickiest eater. Gnocchi is one of my favorite kinds of pasta, it makes this such a comfortable meal and the addition of cream cheese makes the sauce creamy and smooth, perfect for a cold winter night when you need something to stick to your ribs and bring your body some warmth.
Give this one a try tonight. Pour yourself a glass of wine, put on some good music, and use your cooking time as your meditation. The world, as we know it, is crazy. Make dinnertime a refuge from it all. I promise it does a body good.
Peace, love, and breath,
Meg
Creamy Sausage and Tomato Gnocchi
Ingredients
- 1 pound sweet Italian sausage (casings removed and crumbled if not bulk)
- 1 small onion, finely diced
- 3 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 teaspoon oregano
- pinch of crushed red pepper
- 3 tablespoons tomato paste
- 4 ounces cream cheese
- 1 pound gnocchi
- 2 cups baby spinach (optional)
- Parmesan to top
Directions
- Step 1 Set a large pot of salted water to boil.
- Step 2 Cook gnocchi to package directions, reserving one cup of pasta water before draining. Set aside.
- Step 3 In a large skillet, heat a drizzle of olive oil over medium high heat.
- Step 4 Cook sausage until browned, breaking up with spoon as you go.
- Step 5 Add onion, garlic, oregano and red pepper, stirring well to combine. Cook 3-5 minutes or until onion is translucent.
- Step 6 Add tomato paste and stir well, making sure sausage mixture is evenly coated.
- Step 7 Add cream cheese and a splash of pasta water. Stir, adding more water if necessary to combine.
- Step 8 Add in gnocchi and spinach (if using).
- Step 9 Stir well to combine, adding more pasta water a bit a time until sauce is desired consistency.
- Step 10 Taste and season with salt and pepper if necessary.
- Step 11 Serve warm topped with fresh grated parmesan.
Welcome to BurntToast! My name is Meaghan, and this is my safe space, a place where we can share stories, share recipes and share life. It’s my dream that you can come here, kick your shoes off and pour yourself a glass of wine while you read, laugh, and maybe even hop into the kitchen. This is my heart, for all of you to see. And ALL are welcome here.