One of my favorite sayings is “I’m not going to die on that hill.” I have no idea where it originated or who said it first. I’m not even sure if it’s an actual “saying” or something I just made up or heard once and latched onto like cling wrap. I just know I use it all of the time.
When Jeff gets mad at the boys for staying up too late during the summer. ‘Are you really going to die on that hill?’
When my kids start bickering about which Ice Cream place we should go to ‘do you really need to die on that hill?’
When I’m trying to decide between a healthy snack and a decadent one ‘which hill am I willing to die on today?’
See how fitting it is? It works in so many situations where you’re trying to decide if something is worth the fight. In parenting, as in life, this is always a delicate balance, knowing when to push and when to let go. To pick your battles so that the ones you do fight make an impact. I am sad to say I don’t often get this right.
But sometimes I do, even if I’m a little late to the party.
The latest hill I’ve decided to die on is bizarre, to say the least. I don’t even really understand why I’m staking my claim on this one and refusing to back down. There were so many other times I should have put my flag up and stood my ground on similar issues with this particular child, but for some reason this is it. The hill I am dying on right now–Dillon and Cross Country.
Let me back up a bit so this makes sense.
Dillon, my oldest, is an incredible athlete. He always has been. He was a beautiful soccer player. He played Academy soccer when he was young. He was fun to watch. He really could have taken his talent far. But, he didn’t always have the best attitude. And, as his parents, watching games could get a little uncomfortable. Ultimately, he decided around fifth grade that he didn’t want to play anymore. We pushed for a while, but he’s a kid that you can’t really force to do something he doesn’t want to do. It always ends up getting ugly when you do.
So we made him do the honorable thing and finish out the season and then man up and tell his coach face-to-face.
Then he tried baseball. Like any natural athlete, he was good from the start. But the attitude followed him. In fact, the attitude followed him from sport to sport to sport.
This is not something, by the way, that is easy to admit or share as a parent. It’s embarrassing. Both Jeff and I tried everything to help, to guide, to change. Nothing worked.
So finally he quit everything. Playing Basketball in middle school for fun was his last hurrah.
When high school rolled around, though, he knew on some level that he needed to be a part of something. He’s too small for football (Texas’s favorite game), he was too far behind in soccer after quitting so long ago, and he didn’t have the height for basketball. So he settled on cross country and struggled through his freshmen year, hating every second of it, but pushing through. So much so that he wanted to sign up again this year, which meant summer practices, every morning at 6:45 (am).
More of a punishment for me, if you want to know the truth.
Anyway, halfway through this summer, he wanted to quit. He got in the car after practice one day, slammed the door (which if you know Beige Betty, you know is quite a feat because her doors weigh approximately 2 tons), and yelled “I’m quitting. I hate this. I hate cross country. You’re making me do this against my will. It’s bad for my health. I’m quitting.”
Now I don’t know what got into me at that moment. Maybe it was the out and out lie–the assertion that we were making him do this against his will. Or maybe it’s because it is gut-wrenching to watch your kid quit so many things, to leave all that talent on the ground, potentially unrealized. Or, maybe it’s because I didn’t wake my ass up at 5:30 nearly every day this summer just so he could quit halfway through.
On no sir, I did not.
So I died on that hill. It wasn’t grace-filled. It wasn’t nice. I had only had one coffee and it wasn’t my best moment. But I dropped the gauntlet and pulled my mom card.
“Oh no, you most certainly will not. I watched you quit soccer. I watched you quit baseball. I watch you quit when you shouldn’t and I’ve let you. But that ends now. You’re going to get your butt up and you’re going to actually try at every practice and you’re going to learn that showing up and honoring your commitment is something we do. That’s what WE do.”
He didn’t talk to me for an entire day. But he did it. He got his butt up and went to the next practice. And the next one. And he’s still going.
Other than the obvious lack of coffee, the reason why I died on this hill was twofold.
- I was tired of watching my kid quit. I quit so many things growing up. I quit field hockey. I quit lacrosse. I quit my jobs. I quit trying way too often. And I didn’t have half of the talent that he does now. I regret quitting those things. I look back and wish that I had had someone stick their neck out and make me stick with it (to this day my Mom says she regrets letting me quit–but like Dillon, I made it difficult enough that she probably gave up). Like all parents, I don’t want my kid to have regrets. I don’t want him to look back and feel like he gave up because it was hard and he wishes he had stuck with it. I know I can’t make him try. But I can drive him there every morning even if he walks the entire course. I don’t care. Just the reward of sticking with something, I hope, brings him confidence.
- I want to model commitment to my kids. I want one of our family values to be honoring our commitments. Jeff is the most committed man I know, working to the bone to provide for us. I’ve waivered on commitment before (see above) but I want my kids to see me committed to being the best mom and best human I can be. Kenzie commits to gymnastics even when it’s hard and it sucks. Connor commits to showing up for others every year during his birthday fundraiser. I want Dillon to commit to something too. I want my family to be a family that shows up.
So my kid is still running every morning. He’s still hating it. But he’s showing up. And I hope somehow, in that teenage brain of his, he’s learning that there is pride in showing up when it’s hard and you hate it but keep going. And I hope he feels that.
That’s the thing about parenting and life. There’s no playbook that tells you the right moves to make, when to push and when to step back. I want him to learn all of these things but understand he might not. He might just remember that his mom was a massive B who made him wake up every morning one summer. The outcome of this experiment, raising these three Dawson kids, is unknown and unguaranteed. The most and best we can do is love them every day, and let everything we do be rooted in that love. When it works, we can be proud and celebrate with them. When it doesn’t, we can apologize, be real, and walk them through it. That’s it. That’s all we can do.
And maybe, just maybe, that love is enough.
Oh, and we should probably not die on any hills before we’ve had all of our morning caffeine. Because we might end up throwing down the gauntlet on something we don’t actually want to throw down the gauntlet on. And that, dear friends, is one to grow on.
Easy Thai Basil Chicken Skillet
This recipe for Easy Thai Basil Chicken Skillet is also a hill I might consider dying on, but for good reason. It is inspired by my one and only viral recipe for Thai Basil Chicken meatballs. Over on Pinterest, that thing has been pinned well over 200k times. And if you want to know the truth, I have no idea why or how this happened. I just know that somehow, with very little help or promotional effort on my part, this recipe consistently leads my blog for the most clicks.
Which is great because it’s an easy and delicious recipe I’m proud of. Except, there are some times that I just don’t feel like rolling meatballs, you know? Sometimes I don’t want to get my hands dirty or don’t have the time to stand there and make 12-20 individual little balls of raw meat to be cooked later. And that, dear friends, is where this recipe came from.
All of the same flavors with about 1/2 of the work, this easy skillet version of Thai Basil Chicken is a nod to the traditional Thai dish while skirting the authenticity just enough to make it accessible to the average home chef. This should take you just about 15 minutes from start to finish on a busy weeknight and it’s a dish even my pickiest eater loves (though he does suspiciously eat around the basil). If you’ve got little ones or heat-sensitive adults, moderate how much jalapeno you use so that they can enjoy it. But, if you don’t, it’s worth it to keep it in there because the sweetness of the sauce and the basil balances the heat perfectly.
I doubled the sauce for this recipe from its meatball cousin because it is so good and you want to have a little extra to pour over the rice or noodles you’re serving it with, but if you are ambitious and want to make the meatballs, I would double it there too. Also, if you don’t have Thai basil regular basil will do. If you live in my area, though, and need some, drop me a line. I’ve got a TON growing in my yard.
No matter how you enjoy this one, the flavors are exceptional and complex and it’s a fun way to baby step kids into new foods. Maybe we can make this one go viral, too. You think?
Peace, love, and commitment,
Meg
Easy Thai Basil Chicken Skillet
Ingredients
- 1 lb. ground chicken
- 3 cloves of garlic, minced
- 1 inch piece of ginger, peeled and grated
- 1/4 cup Thai Basil, thinly sliced (regular basil is ok)
- 1 jalanpeno, seeds removed and diced small
- 2/3 cup soy sauce or Tamari
- 1/2 cup Thai Basil chopped
- 4 Tablespoons brown sugar
- juice of 1 lime
- Rice for serving
- Extra Basil to top
Directions
- Step 1 Heat a swirl of olive oil in large skillet over medium-high heat.
- Step 2 Add garlic, jalapeno, and ginger to the skillet, stirring continuously for 30 seconds to 1 minute or until fragrant.
- Step 3 Add chicken and cook, breaking it up as you go, until browned and cooked through.
- Step 4 In the meantime, combine soy sauce, Thai Basil, Brown Sugar, and lime juice in a small bowl stirring until sugar is melted and fully combined. Set aside.
- Step 5 Add Thai Basil to the chicken, stirring to combine and wilt.
- Step 6 Add sauce, cook for 3-5 minutes until meat is coated, sauce is reduced, and flavors are combined.
- Step 7 Serve over rice or noodles with extra Basil to top.
Welcome to BurntToast! My name is Meaghan, and this is my safe space, a place where we can share stories, share recipes and share life. It’s my dream that you can come here, kick your shoes off and pour yourself a glass of wine while you read, laugh, and maybe even hop into the kitchen. This is my heart, for all of you to see. And ALL are welcome here.