When I was a kid, the toughest parenting decisions most people faced were: Is “Dynasty” appropriate viewing for kids ten and under and, Jolt Cola, yes or no. True story.
Sure, it was probably a hair trickier than that, with all of the keeping kids alive stuff and the ongoing household debate as to whether or not to let your kids watch “Dirty Dancing” or “Rambo.” (the decision: Not.. Parents are total fun snatchers). But all in all, I feel like parents of the 1980’s spent a little less time worrying about toxins, organic food and whether or not that one time they yelled at their daughter would be damaging enough that she would end up with the punk kid from the wrong side of the tracks like Molly Ringwald did in “Breakfast Club” than parents of today.
Don’t touch the grocery carts–they’re germ fests. Don’t go to the public bathroom alone–you never know who is in there. Don’t watch too much tv–it will rot your brain. Don’t overschedule–they’ll turn into rebellious teens who quit everything. Don’t underschedule–that’s where drug addiction starts. Make sure to nurture their self-esteem enough that they are brave enough to tackle life but don’t tell them they’re special too often or they’ll become precious snowflakes who need “safe spaces” in college classrooms.
Y’all, my head, it spins just writing this out and I could keep going for AGES.
But there’s probably nothing we, as modern parents, worry about more than electronic time. I’m not kidding, this conversation dominates mom groups, google searches and just about every sideline chat these days. Is it too much? Too little? When do we give them a phone? What is the actual length of time that officially turns their brains to mush? Seriously. I’m just asking for a friend.
Except that we’re not. And it’s a battle we all fight. Every day.
I know this because the other day something both hilarious and simultaneously horrifying (depending on which side of the fence you stand on) happened in my household. And, because I’m a true “near but not quite” millennial, I posted about it.
Let me set the stage…..
We’re in the early stages of summer. We just tossed out our notebooks, snapped our pencils in half and burned our lunchboxes in a barrel in the woods (seriously, why are they such a bio hazard after just a few months). We’re getting our summer legs on, trying to find the rhythm and we’re working hard at fooling ourselves that we’re going to “savor every moment” and “live summer to the fullest” without killing each other by August. It’s a work in progress at best.
And because I’m trying really hard to protect my kids from the dangers of the interweb and video game addiction, I put some minor stipulations on their electronic usage. Nothing huge, just a few things they have to accomplish before I turn them loose in XBOX land.
- Make their beds and clean up their rooms.
- 30 minutes of reading
- 30 minutes of exercise
- 30 minutes of creative journaling or writing
- one daily chore.
Seriously. This is it. All told, if they really put their mind to it they would be done in two hours. Out of the twelve they’re usually awake each day, I consider it a win. Except that you would think I am asking them to scrub the entire house with a toothbrush and then write a book about it because the backlash is intense. So intense, in fact, that the other day I got this letter from my middle son after a particularly intense battling over reading time. And I quote:
Dear Meaghan,
You stink at being a good parent. You are horrible at everything. You make us do stuff because you had to do it when you were little and you’re trying to ruin our lives too.
Your serious friend,
Connor
I’m going to take a second and let these words soak in. Because they are legit rude. And he first-named me.
Y’all, this note was serious business to my ten year old. And in that moment he meant every.single.word he wrote. He was fired up that I was limiting his electronic time and making him do these things because (and I quote) “summer is supposed to be fun.” I was definitely the worst mom in town and he wanted me to know it.
Except that I wasn’t. Because, like all good modern moms, I posted this letter on facebook. And the deluge of comments and support was overwhelming. I got more likes, loves and laughing face emoji’s than almost ever before and the overwhelming response from parents was “Meaghan, you’re my hero.” 
We’re all fighting this battle. All of us. We have no idea what is too much and what is too little. When is too early and when is too late. We judge the mom at Target because she’s got her kid glued to the iPad while she shops (she probably just wants to get some flip-flops and toilet paper in peace) while simultaneously allowing our tween to glue themselves to the phone making Tik-Tok videos. We have no idea what boundaries to place and we’re all taking wild stabs in the discipline dark.
It’s no wonder we have no idea, right? These little phones we are glued to, the ones that do pretty much everything but physically breathe for us, they’re a brand new thing. Twenty years ago, this wasn’t even on the parenting problem radar. We can’t call up our parents and ask for their advice on how to handle it and we certainly can’t ask grandma to tell us how they tackled it back in the day. Even counselors and psychologists are guessing. Data is just creeping in on the effects of screen time and considering the best studies are longitudinal (there’s my psychology degree at work for you, people), it’s going to take some time for the most far-reaching ones to come out.
We have NO IDEA what we’re doing here and we’re in completely uncharted waters. And that’s ok.
Every parent who responded (except the ones who gave me the shocked “OMG” face) was fighting this same battle valiantly. We’re all trying to limit and parent through it the best we can. We’re doing all of it because we LOVE OUR KIDS. Bottom line. We love them and want to protect them and we’re doing our very best with all of the tools we have in our toolbox to do so. Yes, we’re going to get yelled at, probably a lot. Because boundaries are hard (even for me) and kids don’t like them. Yes, we might get a mean letter or two. But at the end of the day, we’re parenting.
And even in the Tab Cola-fueled haze of 1980’s parenting was no walk in the park.
We will not get it right every time. We’re going to make mistakes along the way (thank God for grace upon grace all day long) but as long as we’re loving them, looking out for their best interests, and being flexible if a parenting maneuver is not working or causing harm, we’re doing all that we can. And even though it’s really hard to do, because those little devils angels are actually our hearts on the outside of our bodies, we also have to have faith that, just like with ours, God’s got their plans locked and loaded and that those plans are good (Jeremiah 29:11). He’s got this. Yes, even your parenting. Lean into Him and keep going. Your kids are going to be fine, just love them and trust. Love them and trust.
That’s all we can do. 
Also, if you were a person who responded with a shocked emoji or judged me for letting him talk to me like that, this is what I have to say to you:
First of all, expressing yourself in writing is something I encourage (obviously) and I think paper is a safe space to do so. Second of all, once he got it out you could tell he felt better, as is always the case. It’s when you hold it in that things get dicey. And third of all, I wrote back and promised to keep ruining his life as I saw fit because I love him and that’s what I do. And also, I would for sure be keeping this letter to show to his kids when they complain that he’s ruining their lives with his mean parenting. All while feeding them candy before sending them back home.
Today’s recipe, it’s a parenting win in a different way. Mainly because it’s all about the parents. The first time I made it, it was so intense-ly hot and Sriracha-y my kids wouldn’t touch it. Honestly, it was almost too much for me too. But it’s oddly addicting. So I kept going back. And back again. It’s a sweet heat that is so good and satisfying. I highly recommend adjusting the Sriracha to your tolerance level (maybe 1/2 tablespoon instead of a full) and going from there. To make a really satisfying lettuce wrap, add some Cilantro Lime Rice and top with chopped cashews and cilantro. A healthier taco fit for a parent who is worn out and tired from summer (even in June).
Peace, love and parenting,
Meg
**For a similar yet less spicy Shrimp Recipe I recommend trying my Honey Soy Shrimp Stir-Fry
Sriracha Honey Shrimp Lettuce Wraps
Ingredients
- 1 pound large shrimp, peeled and de-veined
- 1/4 cup honey
- 1 tablespoon Sriracha
- 1 tablespoon soy sauce
- 2 cloves garlic, finely minced
- juice of 1/2 lime
- Head Boston Lettuce, leaves removed and washed
- cashews and cilantro to top
Directions
- Step 1 In a small bowl, combine honey, Sriracha, soy sauce, garlic and lime juice. Whisk gently to combine. Set aside.
- Step 2 Dry shrimp completely with paper towels and season generously with salt and pepper on both sides.
- Step 3 Add a drizzle of oil (enough to cover bottom) to a cast iron (or non-stick) skillet. Heat to medium-high heat.
- Step 4 Working in batches if necessary, add shrimp to pan in one even layer, being careful not to overcrowd the pan.
- Step 5 Cook, without stirring, until nearly opaque, 2-3 minutes. Stir for the last few minutes until completely cooked through.
- Step 6 Remove from pan if working in batches and repeat for second round of shrimp.
- Step 7 Add all shrimp back to pan and stir sauce in, tossing gently to coat.
- Step 8 Cook for 2-3 more minutes or until sauce thickens slightly and shrimp are nicely glazed.
- Step 9 Serve in lettuce wraps with rice, cashews and cilantro.
Welcome to BurntToast! My name is Meaghan, and this is my safe space, a place where we can share stories, share recipes and share life. It’s my dream that you can come here, kick your shoes off and pour yourself a glass of wine while you read, laugh, and maybe even hop into the kitchen. This is my heart, for all of you to see. And ALL are welcome here.