Toffee Gingerbread Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Icing

Something very very exciting is happening in my life this week, friends. NO, we’re not getting a puppy. And we are absolutely not pregnant. But….

Y’all, this Texas girl is going to NYC this weekend! 

This might seem like no big shakes to many of you, but for us, it’s kind of a big deal. I haven’t been super vocal about it, but next week I turn (yikes) the BIG 4-0. Now, before you think I’m sad about this or feeling old, I’m not. I’m actually quite excited and ready to turn the page. I feel like my next 40 are going to be my best 40, hands down. I am sure I will get all deep and philosophical about this on the actual day, so please, stay tuned.

But even bigger than that, my mother in law is also celebrating a big birthday (which I will not disclose because, well, I don’t know if she wants me to) at basically the same time. And furthermore, the only thing my sweet, sweet mother in law has asked for in years (besides a stinking cake–which no one made her until last year when I piped one out and she almost cried) was a trip to New York City, where she has NEVER EVER BEEN. In her life. So off we go, the ladies of the family. For a weekend in the Big Apple. 

Guys, this is a big deal. Big as in, when I called her to tell her we were booking she cried. Like, big gigantic can’t-talk-on-the-phone-I’ll-call-you-back-in-a-second tears. Because she couldn’t believe we were actually going to take her. Big as in I will get to spend an entire weekend with women I love dearly just laughing and exploring the greatest city on the planet with someone who will be overjoyed (think Buddy the Elf excited) at every moment. And watching the city through her eyes is going to be nothing short of magical, I know. 

Seriously, friends, it’s going to be amazing.

And because she’s never been, I am sure we are going to tourist the heck out of that city. We are going to do ALL.THE.THINGS. We are going to Empire State, Times Square, Rockefeller Center, Statue of Liberty, Central Park like we just don’t care. And it’s going to be epic.

But if I’m being honest, I’m in it for more than just those overly touristy moments. I’m also in it for the nostalgia.

I may or may not have mentioned it a few (or 100) times but I actually lived in NYC right after college. Not for a super long time, as life and Jeff got in the way, sending me down to Atlanta in just one short year. But I lived there. On my own. By myself. For the first time.

Guys, I’m not sure if these words are painting a clear enough picture of why this is significant. In fact, I’m sure some of you are eye-rolling and thinking “seriously, she makes such a big deal about nothing, like, all.of.the.time.” But this was, in fact, a very big deal for me.

Why? You ask.

Well, surely you know I will tell you.

It was a big deal because if you had looked in my yearbook in say, circa 1996, you would have seen a very timid very fearful girl. If the superlative category “most likely to live with her parents forever” had been around, I would have been a shoe-in. I was not my best self in my younger years.

I have no idea why. But everything sort of overwhelmed me back in the day.

When I was 16 I was terrified to get my driver’s license. So I didn’t, which was fine because when I was ready, I eventually did.  But to complicate matters, I was terrified that people would know I couldn’t drive and judge me as uncool because of it so I was constantly trying to overcompensate for this fact and make up stories like “oh, yeah, I can drive I just, um, don’t have a car tonight. (or, like, ever).” I’m pretty sure I was fooling exactly no one.

Going back even further,  in my elementary school years I was terrified to talk to anyone. This was back in the day when you had to go inside the actual store to pay for gas (think: the stone age), and as a right of passage, my parents would make one of us kids grab a fiver and run in to say “five on pump 3 please” to the friendly clerk at the local gas station with all of the swagger a 10-year-old can muster.  I’m sure they told us it was to help our confidence when speaking to strangers but I’m also sure, now being a parent myself, that they just didn’t want to walk into the 7-11 in the cold. And I don’t blame them. Sadly, though, I would never go. EVER. So my poor brother, who now has confidence in spades (thanks Mom and Dad), was always forced to be both the voice and the swagger of the McCann children. 

And even further back than that, this is the same little girl who, when selected to join a special after school reading and writing honors program in third grade refused to go because it was in a different building in my elementary school and it was just way too scary to try it out. No amount of coaxing or bribing or tricking me with a special “Bravery Rock” (well played, Mom) would make me go. So I missed out on what was sure to be a life-changing program because I was scared. 

Afraid.

So the fact that, without much support from anyone (because most of my friends and family figured this was a stroke of insanity that would soon pass), I decided to pick my fearful behind up and move it to New York City almost on a whim was quite unexpected to everyone. 

So unexpected that my mom very (in)famously cried big hysterical tears of fear when we moved into my tiny TINY little apartment on the Upper East Side and there just so happened to be crime scene tape on the door directly adjacent to mine. (A mystery which I never solved, by the way). Or when we walked into the apartment and there were bars on the windows and she cried, again, exclaiming “Why are you intentionally making your life so hard, Meg?”** And yet more tears were shed when the couch we brought up, which my parents graciously gave me from their very own living room, did not fit inside the tiny little door of my tiny little apartment so we had to leave it on the street for someone to take home for their own tiny, yet slightly larger apartment. (that thing was gone in less than 20 minutes. True Story). 

It was a shock to many that I made such a bold move. Most of all to myself.

But I learned a lot about myself in that New York year. l learned that adulting is hard. I learned that I can do it anyway. I learned tough lessons about life and business (I worked in the fashion industry where, quite frankly, everyone is seriously CRAY CRAZY). I learned that you can get a pretty good deal on a nice couch on Craigslist when your old one doesn’t fit inside your door. And I learned that most people, with the obvious exceptions, are good and kind and nice. (Yes, even New Yorkers. They’re just busy. Not rude) 

But most of all, I learned that I can do hard things, even if I’m afraid. I can stand on my own two feet. I am strong and deserve respect. I learned that being afraid doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it and that deep inside of my own fearful heart there was one badass young woman who needed to come on out of hiding. But maybe most of all, I learned to love myself, quirks and fears and all, and to give grace to my deepest darkest fears but never to give them power. 

Friends, I am excited to go back to NYC to meet this girl again. I know I’ll only be there for a weekend, but I need to find her anyway. I need to see her face in the mirror again. I need to give her a hug. I need her strength. Because somewhere along the way, the years have chipped a bit of it away. I’m not as sure of myself. I’m prone to doubt and confusion when the truth and light are crystal clear and apparent to everyone but me. I need to remember her, maybe now more than ever.

So I’m going to slip away from the touristy time. Not for long, maybe just a few hours. But I am going to do it. I’m hoping to make my way back up to my old street. I want to stand in front of that apartment that was so small and tiny it couldn’t even hold my couch. I want to walk my old path to work. I want to feel that same sense of wonder I would feel, staring up at those huge buildings thinking with awe and reverence “I did it. I moved here.” I want to channel that girl.

Because she’s still in me somewhere and it’s about time for her to come back out.

So friends, think of me this weekend. Think of me as I walk my old stomping grounds and try to find my new forty-year-old badass woman. Think of my mother in law as we give her the NYC experience of a lifetime. 

Gingerbread Toffee Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Icing

And also, make these Gingerbread Toffee Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Icing. They really have nothing at all to do with my trip except that they are about as holiday as holiday can be. My mother in law made this in cake form over Thanksgiving and it blew everyone away. And while I have many talents, making a pretty cake is not one of them. So instead I stayed in my lane where I’m nice and comfortable and made them into cupcakes. Which are pretty mind bendingly yummy, if you ask me.

The secret of these is piping the toffee laced icing into the cupcake so you get a nice crunchy surprise when you take a big bite. NOW, this was my first time piping and I will tell you, it’s not for the faint of heart. (there is a tutorial here if you want to try)I literally had icing in my hair, on our cabinets, and inexplicably, on the dog. So if you want to pass, just add lots of toffee bits to the icing and you’ll get the same effect. The icing is my cream cheese icing from my pumpkin cake (recipe here), and let me tell you, it is so amazingly rich you’ll want to eat it with a spoon. Be generous with it when you ice these babies. It makes them a dream. 

And totally Bad Ass, if you ask me.

Peace love and bad assery,

Meg 

 **In defense of my mom, if my daughter ever decides to move to NYC on her own I will do the exact same thing. I am 100% sure of it. **

Toffee Gingerbread Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Icing

September 4, 2019

Servings: 24

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By: Meaghan Dawson

Ingredients

• 1 16 ounce package light brown sugar
• 1/2 cup butter softened
• 3 large eggs
• 2 cups all purpose flour
• 3/4 teaspoons ground ginger
• 3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1 cup sour cream
• 1 cup hot water
• 1/2 cup molasses
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• For the icing:
• 2 packages of cream cheese, very soft
• 12 tablespoons butter, softened
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 4 cups powdered sugar
• 1 package Heath toffee bites (in chocolate chip aisle)

Directions

• Step 1 Preheat oven to 350. Line cupcake tin with paper liners or spray liberally with cooking spray.
• Step 2 In a mixer, beat sugar and butter at high speed until completely combined. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing in between to make sure they are blended in.
• Step 3 In a small bowl, sift together flour and next 5 ingredients. Add to the butter mixture alternating with sour cream, beating in between to make sure it’s combined. Make sure to begin and end on the flour mix.
• Step 4 In a small bowl, stir together molasses, water and baking soda. It will look like a science experiment and foam up.
• Step 5 Add to the batter along with the vanilla and mix gently.
• Step 6 Spoon into cupcake tins and bake for 20-22 minutes or until they spring back quickly to a light touch.
• Step 7 Chill completely.
• Step 8 Meanwhile, in a mixer, beat together butter and cream cheese. Add in vanilla.
• Step 9 Add powdered sugar gradually until an icing consistency.
• Step 10 In a small bowl, combine 1 1/2 cups icing and 1 cup toffee bits.
• Step 11 Using a piping bag and a wide open tip, fill each cupcake with icing.
• Step 12 Then, change bags and use the rest of the icing to pipe icing on top.
• Step 13 Sprinkle with toffee bits and serve.
• Step 14

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