Halloween Hangover Cookies

I remember hearing a story on the news a long, long time ago (I’m talking when I was a teenager, folks. So a LONG time ago) about a man who hacked one of those computerized highway signs. You know the ones, they usually give annoying alerts like “this road will be under construction until you die” and “Detour Ahead–Prepare to visit Canada.” They’re usually harbingers of headaches and annoyances. And I guess this guy, this hacker, decided he was done with the whole thing because he hacked into this particular sign to spread his message of holiday cheer in just two words: 

“Y’all Suck.”

Seriously, guys. I can’t make this stuff up.

True story: I spent hours going through the wormhole of Google Pics to try and find an image of this actual hack for y’all. Apparently, hacking has become easier and more mainstream since then because OH MY WORD the amount of images I found! Goodness. And dear sweet Jesus, the things they said…..they make Mr. Y’all Suck look like my sweet, sweet grandmother (no, not the one famous for the f-bombs–read about that here. The other one who prayed the rosary every day).

God Bless! I have never seen so many f-bombs in Neon Orange. Do yourself a favor, don’t search it up. Like most things from the 80s and 90s there is very little photo evidence past what is stuffed in a shoe box under someone’s bed (a fact all of my peers and fellows 90’s kids are forever grateful for). So this pic, it’s nowhere to be found.

It’s true, though. I promise.

I have no idea why this news story has stuck with me, other than the fact that we all know I have a love for deeply irreverent and weirdly funny things. Also, being a Yankee, the term Y’all has forever fascinated me (thus my overuse of it now that I live in a place where it is not just mildly tolerated but openly celebrated). So anytime I see it in print, I’m all in. 

But if I’m being honest, I don’t think either is the reason. I think it’s stuck with me for so long because if I could hack into a street sign (which I can’t and we can all be thankful for this because you can bet your bottom dollar I would be doing it over and over and over), I would absolutely be tempted to say the SAME. EXACT. THING.

So thank you, Mr. Hacker, for stealing my misanthropic thunder.

Seriously, friends. I fight it every single day. I struggle against it. I don’t want it to be true. But deep down inside of me in a very dark place I don’t like to talk about with strangers, there is a true curmudgeon waiting to get out. And lately, oh yes lately, my Y’all Suck has been waving it’s flag BIG TIME.

I wave it when I’m in traffic. Seriously can someone please explain to me why there are so many people driving on the road at the exact same time I have a burning urge to get myself to Target? And why are they going so slow? 

Y’all suck.

I wave it when I watch my friends hurt because someone just can’t keep their mouth closed and has to take out their Y’all suck on innocent bystanders. Can we all please learn how to keep our vitriol contained to the places where it’s socially and morally acceptable to let it out, like the drivers seat of cars (clearly when we are alone and not toting young impressionable children around town) and the bathroom stall (when we’re hiding from said children eating Halloween candy and crying)? Please. And thank you.

Y’all suck.

I wave it when I’m tired of the Christmas commercials long before they’re even ramped up to full speed. Merry nothing, Mr. Car Commercial. Can y’all please shoot me an email if you have ever really received a Benz wrapped up with a bow on Christmas morning? Because unless I hear it from you, I’m calling BS and false advertising right now. And I’m not just speaking with bitterness because last year’s pajamas and vacuum cleaner don’t have quite the same flash. I’m saying it because it’s clearly a lie straight from the devil. 

Y’all suck.

Oh friends, see what I mean? I can wallow in my bitterness like a champ. It’s been so easy for me to whip out my Y’all Suck flag lately and I can’t really figure out why. I try so hard to see the good in people and remove myself from the center of my world and be good and do better, but good golly, I am a struggle bus right now.

I clearly need a good dose of Jesus up in here.

If I had to take a wild guess (which we all know I do all of the dang time otherwise I’d have almost nothing to write about) I would say I’m not alone. I think we all feel this way more often than we care to admit. Maybe not in so many words (read: most people air their frustrations with much nicer and socially acceptable words than y’all suck) but, still, the sentiment is the same. I think we’re all walking around feeling frustrated and pent up and overextended and pushed to the max. It’s really hard to be the salt and light and live like Jesus when we’re exhausted from just trying to live. 

And make no mistake about it, modern life, especially around this time of the year, is exhausting.

I can feel the hustle starting to creep in, the push of the holiday to-do list and the expectation of making merry perfection pressing on my heart. Coincidence that I’m also feeling deep and dark into my Y’all Suck? I think not. 

Now I’m no theologian, but I’d venture to guess that God isn’t putting this pressure of perfection upon us (because clearly He knows us well enough to know we can’t be, thus Jesus in the first place, AMIRIGHT?). He doesn’t want Jesus’s birthday to be perfectly catered and decorated. Everything I have read tells me God doesn’t love the hustle. He loves the rest. He calls us to stay. Jesus didn’t seem like the catered party type, but He sure did like to gather and rest and live in fellowship. He simply loved on others, regardless of the setting. 

Probably because He wasn’t in some race to make others think He had it all together. 

And when I settle in on this truth, understanding that God is my place of rest, that He isn’t expecting me to be perfect or isn’t feeling frustrated with me because I forgot to join the PTA again this year making it the second year in the row where the BurntToast family is THAT family among a school filled with almost 100% participation. True Story. He isn’t calling me to be perfect or all together. He’s calling me to be His.

And once I rest in this simple fact all of my misanthropy starts to disappear and empathy and grace floods in. Because man, I know how hard I struggle, so I can look into the eyes of every person I meet, yes even you Mrs. Drive 25 in a 45 down Eldorado, and understand they are struggling too. 

And, y’all, if I could hack into a street sign right now I would say this: “We ALL suck, but Jesus loves us anyway.”

So rest in Him. Give yourself and your grumpiness and imperfections and forgetfulness some grace. And know you are loved beyond measure, no matter how slow you drive.

Halloween Hangover Cookies

Oh friends, I swear to you. We’re all in this together. And honestly, that’s why I’m sharing this recipe with you today. I posted these on my social media this weekend and even though I gave the recipe pretty much in totality over there, people were writing begging me to pop them up here. And I get it, these are worth it. Because anytime you take a cookie recipe that is pretty much already amazing, and then sub in chopped up leftover Halloween candy it pretty much becomes the best thing ever.

So go make these now.

The base for these is my chocolate chip cookie dough (recipe here). Be sure to use non-stick parchment or, if you happen to run out and use aluminum foil, spray well with non-stick spray. The caramel in the candies make these highly meltable and they will stick if you don’t. Do NOT forget the sea salt. I promise this makes these cookies go from a 10 to a 100 with just a slight touch. Also, bake a little longer than the chocolate chips call for, start at 13 minutes. The candy makes them vary so check and make sure they’re cooked through otherwise they will break apart when you try to move them off the rack.

Other than that, they’re golden. Use your leftover candy. Give these a try. And give yourself some grace today. 

Peace, love and candy,

Meg 

Halloween Hangover Cookies

March 21, 2019

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By: Meaghan Dawson

Ingredients

• 1/2 pound butter, softened
• 1 cup dark brown sugar, packed
• 1 tablespoon vanilla
• 2 eggs preferably at room temp
• 3 cups flour
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 2 1/2 cups chopped chocolate Halloween candy--assorted variety
• coarse sea salt

Directions

• Step 1 Preheat oven to 350
• Step 2 Cream together butter and sugar
• Step 3 Beat in vanilla and eggs
• Step 4 Mix in dry ingredients
• Step 5 Stir in chopped up candy until well combined–mixture will be thick so I used my hands to make sure it was very evenly distributed.
• Step 6 Drop by tablespoonfuls onto parchment lined baking sheets, sprinkle each with some sea salt to top and bake for 13-15 minutes or until baked through.
• Step 7 Cool on cookie sheets for 10-15 minutes before removing to wire rack to finish cooling.

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